distress

I continue to live in a season of testings where my simple faith in the Lord Jesus is being tried by fiery trials. Yet somehow the Spirit of my God is giving me the grace and divine strength to hold on.

I am learning, too, what it means to be “killed” all the day long, to be required to die to my flesh and my own desires. I am realizing that nothing in the world is my own. I have nothing but Jesus, and when it is time for me to leave this world, I will be taking nothing with me but Jesus.

For instance, one particular “fiery trial” I am going through at present concerns some litigation that is before the New York Supreme Court. I haven’t spoken about this very much in my journal, as it is a very complex matter and much to burdensome to explain.

But for the past year or thereabouts I have been seeking to do what is right, just and fair. And I am observing, too, that even though I am a child of God and belong to Jesus, I can still experience loss. Being a Christian is no assurance that the judicial system will go in my favor or that anyone would even care about my pain.

All said, I only have the Lord Jesus to turn to. I can pour out my heart to Him and the Messiah of Israel will listen. He will wipe the tears from my eyes and soothe my hurt with His love.

I have a Comforter the world knows nothing about.

David Berkowitz

January 31, 2006

For Thy mercy is great above the heavens: and Thy truth reacheth unto the clouds

Psalms 108:4

Last night I tossed and turned and I writhed in pain. I hardly slept. This morning, too, the pain was so intense that I had to stay back from church.

I almost never miss a Sunday service. But today I had to send word with a Christian who lives in my cell block to tell the chaplain that I wouldn’t be there. I know there are well qualified elders in my congregation who could easily fill in for me. I also sent instructions for the congregation to pray for a certain person and some urgent situations.

Yet even though I stayed behind because I can hardly walk, I had an awesome time of worship, prayer, and Scripture reading in my cell.

While my lower back feels like fire and a sharp, stabbing pain is repeatedly striking the area around my right hip, I am instead choosing to focus on the mercy and glory of God.

Today it feels as if the Lord of the universe has been my constant companion, and of course He always is. But He has made His presence known in a personal way. His grace is enough to get me through unrelenting and excruciating pain. And tomorrow He will do the same.

David Berkowitz

January 15, 2006